The first kiss

I had always seen in Hindi movies what the kiss was about. I had seen porn few times but never liked it. For me kissing was about love, romance, affection and promise of spending the life together. I always thought that I will only kiss a man who will marry me. I believed that it will be the most virtuous character I could abide by. In my college’s second year, I liked a guy but we never came physically close. He never took an initiative and when I tried I felt like a cheap girl. He also didn’t like the fact that I took an initiative.

After two years of my college, I made a boyfriend. He was elder to me by few years. I had met him through a common friend. We sipped coffee for few days and one day he asked me to come to his friend’s party as his official girlfriend. I was scared to death but nonetheless went ahead with my apprehensions. In the party one of his old colleagues, taunted him by asking that how can he bring different girlfriends to each party. She said this while we were leaving from the party. We fought on the way back to my hostel which was almost a 40 minute drive. After 20 minutes, when my temper cooled off and I kind of bought into his arguments, I picked up my phone to call my room-mate so that she can help me sneak in back to the hostel. He asked me to not to call her. “Wait till we reach there! “, he said assertively. My heart was pounding because I knew what was on his mind. The butterflies in the stomach made havoc and I knew that he wants to kiss me.

We reached near my hostel and he stopped the car. After a pause of 10 seconds he asked me, “Come close!†I obliged. As I came close his lips reached mine and I didn’t know how to breathe. Whether I was supposed to close my mouth or keep it open. He kissed me gently first and then a little harder for the second time. Then he asked me to kiss him. I was feeling affection inside and I kissed his lower lip, sucking it slightly. He was amused. “You really don’t know how to kiss!, “he said.

Then he asked me how the kiss was and whether I liked it. I did not know what to say because it was the first time I had kissed. I didn’t like the fact that he was asking me about the quality of the kiss. Are we supposed to assess it against some other experience? Anyways I ran out of the car half blushing and half confused. I knew it wasn’t the same thing as it was for me. For him it was something else. Nevertheless, it was drizzling in October and I wanted to see my face in the mirror. I thought your face changes after you kiss.

Expert Note – Most of the sexual fantasies and imaginations remained dominated by the images from the mass media. The image of the respondent (the girl) was derived Bollywood movies. Mass media images play a great role in shaping the sexual fantasies, especially for women who were less exposed to porn.

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