It was almost after five years that I was having sex with this beautiful and sexy woman. I kissed her the second day we met which is unusual to me. Since I come from an orthodox Indian background, having pre-marital sex was always an uncomfortable thought to me. The most dominant feeling in me when I was kissing her or touching her was fear. I was really scared. I thought I was doing something really wrong by having pre-marital sexual relations with this lady. But my fear was overtaken by the anticipation of sex. The last time I had sex was with the girl I was engaged to. But we later broke up after a year. Since we broke up I could never find a girl attractive and only after so many years I could feel attracted to this woman. Making love to her before we were married or even engaged was something I normally wouldn’t do. I had so many butterflies in my stomach and the momentum of attraction had increased over time. Since she has had many boyfriends before me, I was apprehensive whether she loved me or was just having fun with me.
After I was naked in front of her I started thinking whether she would like me or not. I was conscious about how I looked. But she was quite smooth at the act. She knew the right way to hold me. She knew how to touch me. She bit me at the right spots. Although all of this gave me pleasure, at the same time it made me very insecure that she has had sex a lot of times before me.
It was not very difficult to enter her, unlike my first girlfriend who had a lot of pain when I entered her for the first time. That confirmed the fact that she was not a virgin. I felt pleasure and insecurity in the same gush of emotion. As I entered her and started making love to her, I realised that my excitement was too high to control and I will come early. I didn’t want to leave her unsatisfied. To my fears, I came early. We did not use condom for the first time and she told me to ejaculate outside, I obliged. On hindsight, not using condom was very stupid thing to do.
Expert Note – Pre-marital sex and virginity for women in India has been a controversial topic. While most men openly accept that they are not virgins but they expect virgin partners. Recent survey conducted in India by a national magazine showed that Indian men continue to expect to be married to virgin partners.
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